true

I realize I am a young woman, but for my age I've had a respectable and diverse history of relationships. However, I still find myself falling in love far too easily. Whether I am dating someone or not, thoughts and fantasies of our love consume my mind to a near obsessive amount. It's very upsetting, one reason being it's completely ridiculous to incessantly fawn over something that isn't even real, and the other reason being rejection hits far too hard. Rejection that isn't even rejection. The mere thought of rejection. I try to be mature and independent, but deep down I am just a school girl with a big fat crush.
I'm not sure what direction my life is heading at the moment. As I stated, I've been trying to make my dreams and ambitions of my own independence become a reality, and it certainly seems to be working out. But where do I go from here? I am still just as unproductive and unmotivated as ever.
And just as romantically confused.
I wish there was some way I could completely detach myself from romantic feelings as, cliche as it be, it only leads to heartbreak and disappointment. At least right now. I feel like I am at an age where any relationship I walk into will inevitably fall apart as quickly as it came to be. But is that why I don't want to be in one? I'll never know.
This is what I think about. I think and think and only act when relations are meaningless or induced by alcohol. My train of thought is trailing off but isn't that what journals are about idfk...

all I know is none of my dream men will ever love me back, so I must ignore my feelings and speak of them to no one ever again and I guess just flirt with my middle school boyfriend some more...... -_-