i've never seen a future for myself, i think, because i have only ever been able to obsessively look over my past

I have this, this bullshit "Nicholas Sparks" fantasy I've been replaying in my head for the past week or so. 

So, it's raining. Actually it's raining hard. It's a typical, long Florida afternoon thunderstorm. Everything is as it is right now, but I'm crazed with emotion and I actually act on my feelings of wanting to see you. I get on I-95 and I white-knuckle it the 40 minutes to your house. I've thrown your keyboard in the trunk, the only remaining thing of yours I still hold, as some thread of an excuse as to why I would show up unannounced like this. Now, remember it's still raining. I'm all wet, I'm soaked, I'm a mess. I knock on your door and you answer.

Beat.

I say something like, "Y'know, your mother always said you shouldn't marry a girl until you've seen her hair wet..."

Beat.

BIG hug. BIG kiss.

The rest of the fantasy fades out around there, but always fades back up on us lounging on the back porch watching the storm pass. Emphasis on my head on your shoulder, my arm around your chest, your mustache hairs rustling my head hairs, the smell of your stinky American Spirits (because you are just so fucking cool).

I miss you.